Endings

Parker, it seems that you are the end, and I tend to be one that cries at the happy endings so I'll probably shed tears a lot as you do, and stop doing things. See with Payton, she will probably do everything first. She obviously rolled over, walked, and talked before you so we celebrated all of those things because we'd never seen them all done before. I wondered if things would be as celebrated for you, but now I know that they will be. First of all, you'll do them all your own way, which I'm learning will probably be very different than how Payton did them. Secondly, this is the last time we'll get to experience all of these amazing feats and maybe we'll be more aware and recognize more this time around. Like today, I watched you for 10 minutes try really hard to roll over. I knew that if you got it, this would be IT, a big first that I won't get to witness again in life. So I sit here writing this with a tear in my eye, just a little bit happy that you didn't make it over today, so I can save it for another day.

Along those same lines, I had another strange moment today. I threw away the hoses to my breast pump. For the last week or so you've been drinking formula and using up the last of the frozen milk from the fridge. So it was time to clear all of the pumping stuff out of the kitchen cabinets to make room for bigger bottles. I stood over the garbage can and hesitated for the longest time. So weird that I'll never feed you again myself. I'm so glad that we stuck it out and worked at it together to get things working for both of us, but the time has come to move on. You are one hungry little monster and I just can't keep up with you wanting to eat all of the time. So my body is my own again and I should be 100% thrilled, but there is a little part of me all ready missing my newborn baby.