I've been putting off writing this to you for almost 2 months now, dreading it for over 2 years. So I'm going to start with some basics, because I don't know what you'll remember and what you won't, and I just don't know exactly what to say. On February 6th your Grandpa Jim, Papa, as you both called him when you were very little, died. He had been diagnosed with stage 4 (I believe) cancer 2 years previously, and had been in a great deal of pain for quite some time. The last 5 days of his life he was, for the most part, in the hospital with Grandma Barb by his side, but before that he hadn't been hospitalized and literally was working right up to the end. The man was amazing. Who in the world runs a business while they are undergoing chemotherapy and radiation treatments? He and Grandma did not ever accept the fact that cancer could possibly take his life, he fought like no one I've ever known. Grandpa Jim was fun hearted, he loved to play with you girls in the pool and it cracked me up to see pictures of him crawling around on the floor with you. He liked Coors Light and he liked egg foo young. I have no idea why that's important to me, but as I've been tossing this letter to you around in my head over the last month, I felt like you should know that about him. Grandpa and Grandma loved each other so (almost sickeningly) much. He was easy going and laid back, but also could be very firm and made sure that you girls followed the rules. He would run 3 miles every morning, and ate an apple for lunch then salad for dinner. I don't know many people that sustain a healthy lifestyle as well as he did. He also enjoyed a good pizza and BBQ on the weekends. He loved football almost as much as your dad, and the two of them could talk forever about nothing, I mean, football. In business, he was dependable and honest. People loved to work with him, because they knew he would not fail. He also loved his politics, ugh. We didn't always agree, but I always respected that he held tight to his beliefs and opinions. He was a republican through and through, and had been involved with the local tea party movement, although his health didn't give him much time or energy to devote to anything other than work over the last few years. He's so much more of a person than I can write here, becuase I only got to be a part of his life over the last 12 years or so, and can only write from my own perspective. I'm certain your dad and grandmothers could tell you so much more.
When you were both younger, before he was sick, you'd spend the night at their house very regularly. I wasn't there, but I hear that it was always a barrel of fun, full of movies snuggled up in the big bed, splashing in the pool, singing, and bubble baths. I know that he had the fullest intention to get better and continue that tradition, but sometimes life doesn't work out the way we planned. Right before he got sick, in October of 2010, Grandpa and Grandma took Payton for a weekend trip to Bush Gardens. To this day, Payton, you still talk about it and beg to go back. They had a plan to take Parker on her own special trip as well as she got a little older, but I suppose now that trip will look a little different.
I wonder if you girls will remember any of this. I wonder if you'll remember playing with him, or remember him sick. I wonder what you'll remember about the funeral, or if you will at all. Will you know how you reacted when we told you? Did we do it right telling you, not telling you, too much, too little? He died overnight and Daddy and I didn't know until we woke up in the morning when we discovered we'd missed a call from Barb in the night, and we both knew what that probably meant. We called her before waking you, and learned the news. Unsure what to do, what to say, we decided to send you to school without telling you so that we could process a little ourselves and go be with Barb to help her and support her as she was in shock. We spent the day with Barb and her dear friends Jerry and Lois. They kind of got the ball rolling with services and such, and I'm so thankful for that. Daddy and I came home to pick you up at the end of the day and sat you both down in the living room. Parker, you took it pretty much like I thought you would, you were young enough I think to not fully get the finality of death, because you just kind of said okay and went on. Over the next hours, days and weeks you'd say things very matter of factly about Grandpa being dead, but the time you were really emotional was at the funeral. You sobbed and sobbed as the service went on, it was so hard. I think you were scared of all the sadness and didn't know what to do with it. You still randomly tell me you miss him. As much as it breaks my heart to hear, I'm glad to hear you thinking about him, and understanding. Payton, you were devastated and I think angry. Daddy told you, and you ran stomping and crying to your room. It's gut wrenching to type this, because I've never seen such pain in you. You cried and cried for a while, and Daddy went to your room to talk to you after a few minutes. You guys talked and asked some questions and worked through it. You fully got it, and I hated that for you. But within 20 or 30 minutes you had come around a bit and were handling it. I don't really remember what happened from there. I know that I sent an email to your teacher and principal to let them know and then we did send you both back to school again the next day. It was a crazy time, Daddy was super busy with work, Barb was trying to understand what she needed to do with the files that were in process at the title company and I just wanted to make things right in the world for you all.
Now we're two months down the road, and the sky hasn't fallen, well, at least not any more. Grandma's getting back to some of the things she likes to do, cooking special foods for you girls and you even had a sleepover last weekend. I'm sure that there are going to be hard days ahead, holidays, anniversaries, random Wednesdays when we all just miss him. But, know that you were loved, a lot, by a great man.
