You Are My I Love You. That is the name of a book that Grandma Jackie gave us when you were born. That is you, you are my I love you. To this day when I read that book to you the words of the story make zero sense to me as a story, but they ring so true somehow. You are my giggle, you are my wiggle.
I've been thinking for days what to write to you about who you are at 4. You are a lover, you are a crack-up, you are sweet as can be, you are totally a girl, you are sensitive, you are darling. How many silly stories I should be able to recount, cute phrases, and your current fears and ambitions.
Let me elaborate. You have never really known a stranger, you want everyone to be your friend. Whether we're walking through the grocery store or hanging out with friends, you make a huge effort to make everyone giggle around you, or at the very least crack a smile. You get frustrated when we run into an old fart that isn't amused by you, but that rarely happens. You're always telling people how much you love them, you've always done this. But as you get older, I realize how much you really mean it. You'll list off who you love, it may be "Ava, Charly, Jack, Leslie, Karl, Annika, Jordan..." and so on through the ENTIRE neighborhood family we have or it could be "Your Mom, Your Dad - he's SO funny, Colin, Robynn, Addyson, Jackson" you'll tell me. I crack up because you often refer to your grandparents as "Your Mom, or Your Dad" when you're talking to us. I have no idea why. It sounds so grown up and silly at the same time. It's not that you don't know that they're your grandparents, you just seem to want to relate it to how I can understand who you're talking about.
As you'll recall from a previous post on the Estero High School, you are terrified of getting shots. To be honest, I can relate, but I don't let you know this. As your 4 year check up was approaching I wasn't sure how to address it with you, so I did what any mother would, I just didn't. The morning after your birthday I announced that we'd be going to see Dr. Foley, while Daddy took Parker to school. For the most part you were okay with it, that is until I said it was time to get in the car and you tried to hide behind the bookcase. Pretty futile, and you knew it. So we loaded up and headed off. You quizzed me a few times on the likelihood of shots, I remained non-committal. We went on to have a heated debate of whether or not Tikerbell is a princess or a fairy, or both. You are 100% certain that she's a princess AND a fairy, I tried to defend the position that she's a fairy only. Not sure who won, but it was fun to hear you standing for what you believed in. I'm sure that some day I'll eat these words, but I hope that you maintain the ability to stand up for your positions in life (and I hope you get better at it because you didn't have much backup to offer). I'm certain that with your gene pool you will. Back to the Dr visit. We went through the usual hoops, but at a 4 year old level this time. Now you have to give a urine sample (interesting) and you had to take a basic eye exam with a chart of shapes instead of letters. You chatted and charmed the nurse and Dr Foley, who you have always loved. They seemed impressed by your verbal skills, and amused by your you-ness. Then came the nurse to give the dreaded shots, which you still didn't know were about to happen. I set you up on the table, laid your head back and the blood curdling screams began. I held you down and you begged for your daddy. Of course this broke my heart, but I just tried to get you through the whole thing. As much as your daddy loves you, he has very little tolerance for crying and meltdowns, this is exactly why I came with you, so that I could be comforting and kind to you, and what did I get in return, a little girl begging for Daddy. Humft! Anywho, the shots were quickly over, but the tears were not. I tried to keep you in the room until you gained a bit of composure, but there was no point. So I led you out of the room and to the treasure chest hoping the distraction would calm you down, it didn't. You looked down into the treasure chest and pointed to a ring, sobbing that you couldn't bend over, "Please I want that one". So I reached down and handed it to you. You kept looking and looking, I wasn't sure how many toys you thought you could work us for, but I was going to go with one more. Instead you pointed to another ring, and sobbed "That pink one for Parker". How stinking sweet are you, thinking of Parker through all of this drama! I was taken with you once again, and of course you got some serious points with me for that. THIS is the whole point of this long story, your ability to love and always be thinking of those you love. Final note, you cried -SOBBED- the whole way home.
Speaking of your sister. You girls seem to be the best of friends, and of course, you two can make each other crazy. You're almost always looking out for her, and you love to play together. For your birthday you received a Barbie house and I'm so impressed at how well you share it with her. I'm not saying you guys don't fight over it, but it's never occurred to you to say this is MY toy, leave it alone. She is like a wrecking ball every time she touches the thing, but you seem to just go with it. Of course you get mad when she takes something out of your hands, but you don't mind playing with her. I love that you two will always have each other.
Let's see, fears...Right now you are terrified that turning 4 means that we are going to ship you off to 4 year old school. You love Allie Gator, and are terrified of a new school. At first you thought you'd be joining Annika and Kaitlyn who are currently at 4 year old school (aka VPK), but when I cleared that up for you, you were so sad. You don't want to leave your friends and you don't want to leave Ms Christian. An now we're throwing a whole new twist in, and you're going to spend the summer here at home with your sister and a babysitter at the house. To be honest, this is really hard to do to you, but it's just so expensive to send you both to Allie Gator, and this great girl, Rachel, is available, and it will make life so much easier for all of us, but it still means that you will be leaving your friends, your first bit of independence, and a great school. I know that in the fall when you start at VPK you will quickly make new friends and this will all be behind us, but for now I share in this fear with you.
So for fears we have shots and 4 year old school. Ambitions, well, much funnier. This year we're all determined that you will learn to wipe your own butt. Yep, that's right. As I tucked you into bed for the last time on April 20th as a 3 year old, your final statement to me was not "when you go to bed come give me a hug and a kiss" as it usually is, instead it was "you're gonna have to teach me how to wipe my butt". As I write this we're 5 days into 4 years old and you've not made a single attempt,I'm hoping any day now. I just don't really know how to teach you, but I have got to figure it out. What other ambitions??? I suppose I could mention that you are still a closet thumb sucker, and we are doing what we can to try to break that one. It's usually just in bed, but sometimes too when you're sleepy or watching cartoons we'll catch you. Ultimately you just see 4 as a way to get to 5, so I think you're thinking you'll just survive 4, it's just a blip between 3 and 5.
Oh Payton, I love you so much. I can't wait to see what the next year brings us, I'm certain it will be fun!
